无休止的负面联想

那天早晨,我醒来的时候,第一件事是问了问旁边的姑娘:“现在是什么年代——光绪?同治?”

上面的对话发生到现在已经几周,大概是我梦见自己不知为何在清朝吧。当然,我暂时还是有足够的自信:这个梦并不像穿越剧一样幽默。

分不清梦境和现实并不是什么奇怪的事。每当我从梦中醒来,总是要耗费几秒的人生来判断自己到底是不是身处现实的世界。然后一旦确认了自己身处现实,就可以日复一日地重复每天的routine了:无休止的负面联想。

根据医生的说法,双相障碍会让我的状态像过山车一样起伏。而其中的每个波谷就是我最痛不欲生的时候。其实用痛不欲生有些夸大,准确地说只是了无生机——而已。脑子里的反应大都变得很慢;不管是二位数乘法还是背诵简单的指令,都必须努力集中精神才能完成。

生活中的绝大部分事情对我都是负面的、难过的、不愿面对的。我不敢看社交网络。当我看到别人难过的时候,我为他的难过而难过,也更为自己还不如人家而痛苦。当我看到别人开心的时候,我为自己得不到同等的开心而失落,更为自己无法达到任何一种想要的生活而绝望。当家人叫我做某件事的时候,我会立即为我没能动身而难过;而一旦我动身了,对我没法做到做好的担心则让我如坐针毡。当我好不容易出一次门的时候,周围的一切人和事物都像是精准的刺刀一样嘲笑着我的悲惨。眼前打电话的路人、身边吆喝着的小伙、身后叽叽喳喳吵闹的初中生,变出千百只尖锐的眼睛狠狠地盯着我,刺透我的皮肤和血肉,然后戏谑地望着:你真可怜。

我也曾经好过。曾经的阳光的正常的生活,如今对我显得有些像空想,十分不真实。既然我如此差劲,那我怎么会上北大,又是抱着什么心态选择了营销系?我是怎么挺过那么多小组作业、甚至还越俎代庖地当team leader?我是抱着怎样的想法去英国读研究生,而且选择了从未涉及过的公共关系专业?如今的我甚至连饮食起居都做不到,更不用说工作、学习这种正常人的生活了。

从我年初状态变差,到现在已是大半年。我无所事事了大半年。周围的同学们大都在走着自己的职场第一步,有的已经颇具气象,有的步履蹒跚;而我,什么也没有。

How to turn off Gmail's junk mail filtering

Maybe you would start thinking: why are you going to turn off a useful anti-spam feature? Well, we all know that Gmail's anti-spam filtering system is very powerful and useful. If I just don't want some important emails to be moved to junk, I can simply do a double check regularly. But what if I'm going to use another email account?

Of course I'll make the old Gmail forward everything into the new email. Like this:

Screen Shot 2015-02-05 at 23.18.08.png

However, in this case, Gmail would still filter the emails that it defines as junk and move it into 'spam' folder. And I'll have to check two email accounts to confirm that everything in the junk folder isn't needed.

Unfortunately Gmail doesn't provide the option in settings to turn off spam filtering. So we have to do this with an 'advanced feature': creating a filter.

First go to Gmail's settings, then Filters tab. Click on 'Create a new filter'.

In the 'Includes the words' textbox, type 'is:spam' inside (no quotation marks). Then click on 'Create filter with this search' button.

Gmail would prompt with a warning, which you can simply ignore. Click on 'OK'.

Select the 'Never send it to Spam' option, then click 'Create filter' button.

If everything was done correctly, you'll see a new filter created. 

Now your Gmail would take every incoming email directly into the Inbox. And if you have the auto forwarding feature turned on, every incoming mail would be forwarded to your new email address, regardless whether Gmail thinks it's junk or not.